Purpose for the Pain
by bellaswan281
Summary: When Edward and Bella get into an accident, what does the Cullen family do to help? What happens when it comes all together? R&R, please! Not for easy-cryers or atheists.
1. Props

"Hey!" I heard someone yell behind me. I jumped slightly in my chair, then spun around slowly, beginning to shake.

Jacob sighed, watching me with sad eyes. "Bells… You can't be like this. I don't think he's going to come back."

"You don't understand…" I sputtered, looking up at my former best friend. "He… He's everything and he just… l-left…"

Jacob scooped me up in his meaty arms, clutching me to his warm chest. The sobs escaped my throat without warning, and the tears traced the canyons they'd already made in my cheeks, or so it felt.

Jacob's arms somewhat helped keep me in one piece, but could never have the same effect as his did... As his arms… Used to…

I sniffed, shakily climbing down from his grasp, walking downstairs to where a wedding was being put together. It was Emmett and Rosalie's wedding… Not mine.

I knew I could walk no further into the steel death trap, so I squeezed my eyes, my dull brown eyes that he used to call the beautiful Wonka rivers…, shut, leaning against the floral white wallpaper that had been newly applied to the wall, and let my tears soak through to the drywall.

"Bella…" I felt new arms around me, his mother's arms… Esme. She sat down on the floor, hugging me as Jacob had. "I know it's hard… It's horrible… But, it's for the best. God had a reason to do what he did, and he-"

"HE HAD NO REASON TO TAKE HIM FROM ME!" I interrupted, shoving her away. "THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THAT DRIVE-BY! NO REASON WHAT SO FUCKING EVER!"

Esme was quiet, watching me with her soft, blue eyes, when her husband walked in…

Her husband… Carlisle…

The hair that matched…

The deep, green emerald eyes…

I sobbed into my knees as the pain continued to eat away at what was left of my humanity.

All of the Cullens made their way over to me, shushing me and hugged me; the only one outside the circle of sympathy was my almost-sister-in-law, Alice, who just looked at me with her dark eyes, her skinny arms limp around her knees, the bags under her eyes standing out like Oreos in the whitest of all milks…

I knew Alice had been affected by this, also, but we hadn't spoken since the tragedy that had occurred not even a week ago.

FLASHBACK:

I walked across the dark alley, laughing with my fiancé. We had just left Wal-Mart, our favorite of all places to go when we needed to escape Alice's evil wrath when Jasper went out and bought the wrong material for a dress she'd make. I laughed harder, hugging his waist.

"Piggyback, madam?" He flashed me that white, crooked grin that always made my tummy flip and whirl around in my abdomen. I smiled, climbing on his back as we treaded home. Laughing about anything and everything.

He turned his head to kiss me, and I eagerly responded, stretching my neck around to get closer to him. He had to pull away for a breath, so my lips continued down the skin of his neck, chin, and ever so tenderly across his ear, watching the goose bumps envelop the creamy skin of my soon-to-be husband.

He grinned, kissing the ring on my finger. "And that's why I love you."

Just then, a black, sleek car skidded across the street, all the windows rolling down. Edward and I barely had any time to respond when I felt the bullets intrude my upper back, one after the other, before I blacked out.

When I awoke, the night was quiet, then car and gunshots long gone, the only evidence that anything had happened was the intense pain throbbing up my spine, and the bloody chocolate bar Edward had bought for me, and I never got around to eating.

I looked around, searching aimlessly for the small flashlight in my purse. When I found it, I pulled it out, thanking the high heavens I had changed the battery right before we left.

I shined the bright ray around, before I saw something that made my stomach churn.

Edward, flat on his stomach, unmoving, with God knows how many bullet wounds in the back of his head.

PRESENT:

I watched Alice, but in this state of pain, I couldn't pity her. She hadn't been there, she hadn't experienced the shock of waking up to her dead fiancé. She just had to help plan his funeral.

I tried to turn away from her contagious depression, looking up at Emmett. He had a sleeping Rosalie in his arms, and I watched as he kissed her hair, singing something in her ear.

It was too much to bear.

I pulled away from the sympathetic words of my almost-new family and went upstairs, slamming and locking my door. Our door.

I laid on our bed, letting the tears fall as I clutched my chest, trying to keep me from falling apart, trying to mend the hole. I hesitated, and then dared to look over at our closet. I got up; adjusting to my shaky knees, then gently pulled his gray pea coat he constantly wore from the closet, treating it like the most delicate of all delicacies. I laid it across the bedspread, running two fingers across a blood stain on the collar, letting the pain churn in my stomach, knowing I wouldn't throw up, since I hadn't eaten in awhile. I pulled the coat up, gently letting my nose inhale against the fabric, his Axe Dark Temptation still lingering in the threads, just as strong as it had been that night. I opened the buttons, sliding my arms through the sleeves, standing still. My eyes closed as I relaxed, thinking of him. Thinking of the dinners, the dances, and staying up until after 4 a.m., talking about sweet nothings.

I took the pea coat off, noticing that some of the salt water from my eyes had landed on the collar, turning red from the stain. I wiped it with a swipe of my finger, looking at it. My tear, and his blood, combined as we had been that hot, summer night… The night he took my virginity.

I smiled, knowing I couldn't have given it to a better person. I hung the coat up, then looked at a picture on the bed. It was us, outside of our house on one of Emmett's random celebration nights. We were all having fun, and I, stupidly, had only worn a sweater and my underwear, so Edward had pulled me in his lap and held me, wrapping me in his alternate, much larger coat, and I remembered that I had stayed warm that night. Of course, Esme had to take a picture, because it was "so sweet".

I picked it up, stroking the smooth frame with my trembling thumb. I kissed the figure of my true love.

"I love you, Edward Cullen."


	2. Discovering

_December 25, 2008_

_8:36 PM_

_Exactly 1 week, 18 hours since I woke up to my worst nightmare._

_Today has been terrible… Everyone surrounding the ostentatious tree, exchanging gifts and laughing as Emmett pranced around to Jingle Bells on the radio… I've been up in my room all day, picking out a picture of my fiancé for his casket._

_Do you know what it's like, sitting for hours on end with a shoebox full of pictures of a deceased family member, your true love, picking out the front cover of the casket that'll soon be pushing up daisies?_

_It's horrible. I sit on my bed, picking up photo after photo, seeing every smile, every memory… Our prom photo, our drunken photos, photos that were just taken because we had a camera. I choked on a sob every time I looked at that beautiful, porcelain face of his… And my heart ripped to shreds. Everyone had given up on helping me, so now I was the alien of the family, alone and left out of everything life was attempting to offer…_

I had to stop venting. Venting into my journal wasn't helping the feeling of grief deep in my stomach. I set the box of pictures aside, curling up on our pillows, letting the tears cling to my cheek. His side of the bed, always made up due to the lack of use to the sheets, the smell of his pillow changed from his Axe shampoo to just a plain pillow. I chuckled a sad laugh, remembering how obsessed he used to be with showers. He loved them, he'd take one in the morning and at night, and most of the time his hair would be wet, and he'd stroll around the house in just a towel, and no one complained. He just waltzed and pranced around, and every morning Alice and I would be in the kitchen, having stolen Emmett's gym shorts and T-shirts, and we'd make Fruit Loops while singing any random song, just to lighten our spirits, and our boyfriends would bounce down the stairs, kiss our heads, and ask for a bowl as they turned on the football game. That was our typical morning, and now, it was gone.

I cried, clutching his pillow to my chest, when a sudden knock on my door interrupted my silent pleas to God to bring him back.

I walked slowly to the door, reaching for the knob before it swung open and hit my hand. Alice was standing there, wide-eyed, a tape in her other hand.

"Bella… The street lights the police use for traffic… It caught the faces of the people in the car."

"What?" I snatched the tape from her frozen hand, forcing it into my VCR and pressing play. I had a clear view of the street, still wet from the rainstorm that night, then looked at the time stamp in the corner of the tape: December 18, 2008 2:34 A.M.

I gulped back the lump in my throat, trying to see through my tear-blurred eyes.

Not 5 seconds later did a happy couple walk across the side of the street, the female giggling, the male an other-worldy, beautiful creature, with the female perched carefully on his back, when a familiar, black car skidded up the road…

I now had to force myself to watch this devastating scene as the windows rolled down, the man in the driver's seat rolling down his window, stretching his arm out, forcing part of his body to be lifted from the car as the pistol's trigger was pulled…

Mike Newton.

A/N:: Yeah, I know that was short. But, some object of the story had to be explained. I do have some ideas for upcoming chapters and possibly a sequel, any ideas? Review!


	3. Nitrous

I sighed, flopping my back onto my bed. I stared up at the ceiling, lost in the despair and anguish of finding out that Mike, my once close friend, Mike Newt, would kill my husband. I knew they were never the best of friends, but did they have to sink down to murder? Was killing the only way to solve his sadistic problem?

I sat back up, yanking my shoes off my feet and threw them across the room, listening to the sound the vibrating closet door made when to soles came into contact with the knob. I cussed and yelled until I felt better… Or, at least, until my throat could scream no more.

I had to solve this. I had to figure out why he would murder my Edward. Why would someone once so nice and caring kill my one love?

I hurriedly got dressed, bounding down the stairs and into my car, speeding off to the car repair shop.

On my way there, I must've cried 15 times. I thought about that dark, dreary night; replayed it a thousand times in my worn-out yet overactive mind. Did God hate me? If not, then why did he take Edward from me? Did Mike hate me? Did Edward himself hate me?

My thoughts were interrupted by me slamming my car door shut and storming inside, finding exactly the pair of shoes I was looking for, sticking out from a red Jeep Wrangler.

"Mike Newton!" I screamed.

"Jessica I didn't-" Mike rolled out from underneath the car, his blonde hair and lightly-tanned face covered in grease. He looked like a man on the cover of PlayGirl, but I shook the thought of and returned to my usual fuming. "Oh," he mumbled. "It's just you. I'm busy. Go away."

"Not until you tell me why you shot Edward." I glared.

He sighed heavily, wiping the grease from his face, standing up. "I didn't kill him."

I gaped, screaming, "TO HELL YOU DIDN'T! We had his FUNERAL a week ago!"

"He's not d-"

I screamed and dodged out of the way, for I knew what was coming. It all happened very fast. If you had blinked, you would've missed it.

I opened my eyes, shaking, the other men around gaping, 3 others on the phones, frantically explaining to the police and paramedics what had happened. I ever-so slowly pulled myself to my feet, walking over to the remains of Mike Newton.

The nitrous tank must've gotten lose and leaky. It had shot out of the stand it was on, knocking Mike right in the back, shooting across the courtyard until all of Mike Newton was only blood and guts on the side of a tree.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I ran back to my car, hoping to find a nice, high bridge as I hit the gas and sped down the road.

When I arrived home, I cut the engine and curled my knees up to my chest, sobbing. I can't believe I had to see that, and I felt so, so bad for him. But, at the same time, I knew he deserved that brutal death.

I sniffed and walked back inside; ignoring the stares of his family, then roughly climbed the stairs up to my room. I ran my fingers over the bedspread, and then laid down, my eyes roaming over everything, facing the empty space on my bed where he'd lay down and hold me close, and whispered our favorite songs in my ear.

My eyes wandered around, and then paused at my camera. It wasn't on the bedside table where I left it; instead, it was on his dresser, paused on a video of me with a box half my size. I remembered that day as I remembered two plus two. I slowly got up, reaching across the floor over to the dresser, gripping the small silver device between my fingers, then flopped back down, pressing play.


	4. New

_Flashback:_

"_Merry Christmas! Esme yelled, pulling the camera up to meet Carlisle's tired looking face._

"_Baby, no camera right now," he grumbled as he shoved it away, a shirtless, Santa-pajama-pants-wearing Emmett, who had plopped down on the couch, pulling Rosalie to his side. _

"_It's five in the morning, Emmett. Can't presents wait?" Rosalie rested her head against his shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut, another hand yanking the camera towards her happy face._

"_No! Presents at five in the morning are the BEST! Right, Jazzy?" Alice smiled as Jasper stumbled in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes._

"_Sure, sure, whatever," he mumbled, letting his blonde head loll against her shoulder, his eyes drooping. She giggled and kissed his cheek._

"_Oh, looky! It's Bella and Momo!" Esme turned the camera towards Edward, with me cradled gently in his arms, still asleep, he smiled._

"_Camera off my sleeping beauty," he cooed as he kissed my hair._

"_Mmm..." I all the response he got. He laughed; it sounded like wind chimes. _

"_WAKE UP!" Emmett yelled. I "acked" and fell out of his arms, landing on the carpet, the air whooshing out of my lungs, earning a big, hearty laugh from everyone in the room. I cussed and got up, Momo still smiling as he sat down, pulling me in his lap. _

"_It's alright, sweetheart. Just ignore the mean fat person." He kissed my ear, then Emmett whined._

"_I am not fat! I am all muscle!" Emmett grabbed a tiny box and threw it at Edward's head._

"_Why thank you, brother." Momo smiled as he tore the paper off, revealing a golden Rolex watch. _

"_That one's from me, son," Carlisle smiled as Momo slipped it around his wrist._

"_Thanks Dad." Edward reached under the tree, tossing a thin, rectangular box at Alice._

"_A bra from Victoria's secret?" Alice looked at Emmett, her eyes disturbed._

_Emmett grinned. "It made me think of you."_

"_Okay then. Awkward." Jasper smiled and hugged her._

_The rest of the morning went on quite like this. Everybody opened their gifts. Most were expensive, some were funny, others thoughtful. But when I saw that I didn't have a present from Edward, I felt… Icky. Why wouldn't he get me anything?_

"_Oh!" Edward chimed. "Bella! I forgot your present." He pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket, handing it to me. I blinked, then read the elegant hand-writing._

Go outside to the garage. There may be your present, or your next clue!

_The scavenger hunt went on almost 20 minutes before I finally found the huge box in our closet. I pulled it out, tearing the paper off and opening the box, only to find another box._

_And another box._

_And another box._

_And another box._

_And another box._

_When I reached the last, tiny blue box, I was shocked when he took it from my hand, kneeling down on one knee._

_I gasped._

"_Bella," he whispered, looking up at me, nervousness clouding his face, yet I knew that he knew what he was doing. "If I had met you decades ago, I would've courted you. We would've taken chaperones, strolls, and iced tea on the porch. I may have stolen a kiss or two, but, only after asking your father's permission, I would've got down on one knee. I would've presented you with a ring." As he said this, he took my hand, setting the tiny open case in my hand. The ring was beautiful, with at least 30 miniature diamonds embedded on the surface of it, with a gold band buried inside the satin of the box. "This was my mother's…" He smiled slightly. "My real mother's." He looked back up at me. "Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of forever. Would you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?" The look in his eyes said it all. There was nothing in the green irises but love and adoration, and I knew that those were the only eyes I'd ever want to look at for the rest of forever. I had my answer._

"_Yes," I whispered._

_Everyone was frozen for a moment, and Momo was the first one to move. A smile filled with relief took up the nervous cloud, and he quickly stood and took me in his arms, spinning around, the rest of the family clapping. Esme then shut the camera off to join the celebration._

I didn't realize that I was crying until the video had ended. I was too hurt to reach my hands up and wipe my burning eyes. Instead, I dropped the camera and curled up on the bed, crying with all the strength I had left.

I sniffed when warm fingers were placed under my chin, pulling me up to look at a familiar face. He kissed me with a need that made me feel so bad that I couldn't give back.

But I thought it over as I slowly, ever-so slowly kissed him back. Edward wasn't going to come back. I couldn't mope over it forever… I had to move on, or I'd make nothing of my life. Edward would want me to be happy.

My last thought of Edward vanished as I wrapped my arms around my Jacob's neck.

A/N: OOOOHHH… Scary ending! Lol I WILL update next weekend. I already have my story planned, but if you have any side ideas, click that review button!

And yes, the proposal IS the actual one from Eclipse. No copyright intended, nothing belongs to me. (except for the plot but whatever :P) R&R!


	5. Kicked Out

Okay, quys, you're qonna be seeinq A LOT of Q's in the rest of the story, for I have recently acquired a skill to where I use 'q' instead of 'g', so that explains it all (: sorry for the mistypes…..

Jacob pulled away from our embrace, iqnorinq the DVD that was still playinq on the flatscreen. I blinked. "What's wrong, Jake?"

"Nothinq," he murmured. "I just love you a lot."

I blushed, buryinq my face deep in the russet skin and muscle that was his chest. He smiled and kissed my hairline, avertinq his eyes back to the movie. I huqqed his waist with my feeble arms, nothing compared to his huqe, meaty stature.

We stayed like this for a qood hour before someone ran down the stairs. I looked up to see Alice qlarinq at the back of Jake's head.

"Whoa, what the hell?" Jake looked at her like she was insane; she probably was.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" she yelled. My eyes widened, startled. Alice never used profanity. Ever.

"Look who's talkinq, bitch."

"Jacob!" I yelled.

"Don't you fuckinq call me the bitch. You're the fuckinq whore tryinq to take MY sister from MY family!"

"Alice!" I pulled her away effortlessly; the eating disorder had brouqht her weiqht down to 86 pounds. She fouqht uselessly aqainst my qrip, maybe tryinq to qet her lonq finqernails to Jacob's steel metal forehead. He lauqhed and teased her, makinq her kick and scream and bite and hit and any other physical force that can inflict pain on someone.

"YOU GUYS!" I screamed, cuttinq them both off. "What happened?"

"He's tryinq to take you from us. From Momo."Alice qrowled in his direction.

"I'm not tryinq to do anythinq. I love Bella. I always have." Jacob looked at me with his soft, black eyes.

I siqhed. "Al, I need to move on. I can't just mope for the rest of my life. He's not cominq back." My eyes dropped to the floor as the words fell out of my mouth. They were too aqonizinq to say. But I had to remain stronq, so I lifted my head to face the two of them.

Alice qrimaced. "Fine," she spat. "But neither of you are part of my family ANYMORE." And, with that, she was qone, and I was in Jacob's arms once more.

A/n: Aww ): so sad. I need more ideas! Watch my trailer on my profile! CLIK IT! Lol I know it was short but HEY, ive qot a BETTER chapter riqht on my finqertips (:


	6. White Wall

"Jacob, quit…" I giggled, trying to pull my lover's lips from my throat. He grinned, ignoring my request, only holding me tighter.

"JAKE! IT TICKLES!" I screamed, pushing him off. I got up and ran out of the room, while Jake remained on the couch, pretending to pout.

'I'm gonna go visit Emmett for a while. I know he misses me." And with that, I gave my puppy a peck on the cheek and sped off in my truck.

I sighed, driving down the route to the Cullen house I had long ago memorized. Everything I passed on the way there reminded me of gray days, dull laughs and pointless teasing. It almost brought tears to my eyes, but then I thought of Jake…

When I pulled into the Cullen mansion, I was greeted by a yelling, hopping Emmett, who didn't let me step out of the vehicle before he had me in a rib-crushing embrace.

"Emmett… OXYGEN…" I gasped loudly as Emmett sat me on my feet, muttering an apology.

"It's fine… I was wondering if I could stay here tonight… I miss you g-"

"SLEEPOVER!" And, at a jaguar's speed, I couldn't breathe again.

It's almost midnight, and no sleeping for little me. Emmett is on my right, sitting in his gaming chair, fast asleep. I smiled and took a picture. He looked like a sleeping cub, the way he was curled up in a ball, the way his nose twitched every now and then. It was adorable; I couldn't bare being away from the Cullens anymore. My family was here, and I had a new lover, what was I being so scared for? Maybe I just was terrified to reminisce my past.

Bella, stop it. You love Jacob, you are over Edward, he is gone. He will never be back, give it up, live your life.

I sighed, defeated, and walked up to my old room. There it was, the black and red sheets neatly made, all trace of Axe shampoo smell gone. I grabbed the handles and pried the closet doors open, only to meet another white wall.

You see, Bella? It's all gone. He's gone. And if you don't stop, you'll lose yourself as well.

Why was I talking to myself?

I sat down on the freshly vacuumed carpet, staring at the white wall that is now my closet. I stared, I stared and stared, losing track of the time. It felt like 4 minutes before Emmett walked in, showered and everything, at 5 in the morning.

"Bella, what are you doing?" He walked over to me, lifting me up in his arms, almost the sensation of flying.

I looked up, looked at him dead in the eye and said, "Killing myself."


End file.
